Starting Out

In September 2020 I became a mum to a beautiful baby girl. I am loving being a mum and now can’t imagine life without Emily. Motherhood brings with it many challenges, one of which being your identity and how your old life fits in with your new life. I started this blog to chronicle my journey of combining horses with being a mum. I fully anticipate there will be roadblocks along the way but I hope to one day be able to share my love of horses with my daughter.

Horses have been a huge part of my life for most of my adult life and I wouldn’t really know who I was without them. I am a definite believer that horse ownership is far more than a hobby, it’s a lifestyle choice and one that I would make over again. I live on a property with my horses in the backyard (a 100-acre backyard!) and have lived with my horses since my early twenties.

I knew entering parenthood would signal changes to my lifestyle and I was looking forward to many of the changes. What I wasn’t prepared for was just how much it would impact my time with my horses. From spending several hours per day with my horses to now barely getting an hour per week. It has been a big change and something I am still coming to terms with.

I have heard of a lot of people that gave up, or at the very least took a long break from, horses when they started families. There is nothing wrong with this and the decision is something everyone has to make for themselves. Although this would have been an easy option for many reasons, following this path was not something I wanted to do.

I want to be the best mother I can for my daughter and to me this requires not giving up on things I love just because they’re too hard or because I have too many other things to do. In order for me to be my best self for my daughter I need to continue to get my ‘horsey fix’. I want to demonstrate to my daughter that if you want something you can usually achieve it through hard work and dedication. It may take practice, self-discipline and setbacks but I am certain that I will be able to be a mum with horses.

In the early days I would feel guilty doing things for myself, especially if it would take me away from my daughter for any length of time. Spending time with my horses definitely fit into this category so it took a while before I felt comfortable doing it. At first, I wasn’t aware that what I was feeling was guilt and I was always finding excuses to stay at the house with my daughter. When it clicked that I was feeling guilty I then needed to convince myself that I didn’t need to feel guilty. As a mother not everything I do has to be for my daughter, I am allowed to do things for me. There are others that are capable and willing to look after Emily and she doesn’t need me 24/7.

I had feelings of guilt towards my horses too, feeling that they were being wasted standing around in the paddock. However, when I look at this from the horses’ perspective, I realise it is far from true and they’re actually living a pretty good life. They get to spend all their time hanging out in a safe paddock with their buddies, with access to plenty of food, shelter and water. From a horses’ perspective they’re living a life of luxury! Most of the things we do with our horses are for our benefit and not theirs. Once I realised this it was far easier to accept that I could keep them even if I didn’t have as much time to spend with them as I used to. Some days I will settle for being able to look out into the paddock and see them all happily grazing or frolicking about.

The next challenge was how to find time for the horses when I already felt super busy. The key is to prioritise horses over other things (like doing the washing or cleaning the house) as these can be done less frequently. The more you make time for horses the easier it will become to fit them into your busy schedule. Sometimes I have to tell myself that it will just be a short session (go visit them) and after that I can go back and do the chores I feel I should be doing at the time. Often the hardest part is getting out the door and once I’ve accomplished that I’m happy to spend a few hours with them. The feeling I have after meeting a goal with my horses (even if the goal is just to go down the paddock and say hi to them) is a great feeling and makes me forget whatever “excuses” I had to not do it.

If I wait for free time it will never happen, as with a baby, a house, a puppy (etc.) there is always a hundred and one things that need to be done and never enough time to do them all. A conscious decision needs to be made to schedule time for ‘horsing around’ or it won’t get done. Start small and work up from there. With each visit to the horses it will become apparent that things tick along fine at home without you there and a happier you will return which is better for everyone. The key is to start small and build from there – the more you do it the easier it will be to find time. I am often amazed at how much I can squeeze into a day if I try. And the days I squeeze a lot into are the days I feel better about.

There will be setbacks along the way, you may have scheduled some time but when that time comes around your baby may need you so you may have to postpone. This is fine and to be expected as life with a baby is not predictable. Don’t be disheartened, find another time and work towards that. The key is to take opportunities when you can and always have a backup plan. If the baby wakes early/wants to feed sooner than anticipated, will you be called back or will she be given a bottle. Having a plan alleviated some of my worries and allowed me to better enjoy my time with my horses as I was able to be present in the moment and not worrying about what was happening at home.

>>The first few times you do something make it something you know will go well, as this will give you a good feeling and you’ll be more likely to attempt more. I started out by visiting my horses in the paddock, then moved onto grooming sessions. The first scheduled thing I did was to book a bodywork session for my two main riding horses. Once I was ready to try riding again, I chose my favourite horse and stuck mostly to walking in the arena as I knew this would go well. Being back in the saddle was an incredible feeling and made me even more determined to fit horses into my new life.

Be prepared for it to feel strange at first. The first time I went out without my baby (when she was about six weeks old) I felt like I was missing something. There were no issues at home while I was out and my husband was capable and equipped to manage while I was out. I always made sure there was enough expressed milk and everything else can be done without me. The more you do it the more comfortable it feels and it is good for everyone to get used to you being out.

Once you feel you’re ready to go away to something (trail ride, riding club day, show, etc) without bub make sure you arrange it with people that will understand if you turn up late or have to cancel at the last minute. Also go with people that will take it easy on you if you’re anxious about the situation, or decide part way through that you absolutely must return home. If you’re too worried about letting the other person/people down chances are you’ll avoid making any plans. Let the others know up front that you may have to change plans at short notice as this will make it easier on you. My first trail ride was with my sister at my parent’s place, so I knew bub would be happy with her grandparents and I would only be out on the trail for an hour or so. It felt great to get back out on the trails!